What went wrong..?

Wearing my black hat at night while I'm sitting alone in my room, and the "hats addiction" that I have does not make any sense, but still I collect them. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and realized that apart from shoes, slippers, newpapers, CDs, full and empty plastic bags, books, and a foto album, nothing else is on the floor of your room. Communism is associated with red, but also love, and in the e-mail that I read a couple of days ago, they said that those who wear red are the most confident of all people. HA!! Now you're one of them.
Again FLASHBACK. Why do we keep thinking of the past? She said: "The future is a mistress that is so hard to please, and the past is a pebble in my shoe". Insomnia.... every night. You watch Fight Club and you think you're not alone. Not because Edward Norton, or Tyler Durden can't sleep at night too, but because there are people around the world, who have the same thoughts.
SARA & ME 1980, the calendar of me and Mama hanging right infront of my nose and showing us together when I was...hmm 1 year old?! I wonder what the hell is going on with me. I remember Yasser.....10 minutes brainstorming at the beginning of every class. That reminds me: have to contact him to ask about his father. I remember the defence of my thesis. SHIT! More studying coming up. Can't do this anymore. I wish I can paint.... would be more interesting than writing. At least even if it doesn't seem to make sense, there is always the 0.0001% possibility that 50 years from now, someone will think that they are a piece of art, and they will sell my paintings in auctions for millions of dollars.
I am hungry. What a day. I wish I can errase my memory card. Especially the pictures' section. I want to make something, that will errase all my mistakes, especially the ones I didn't do yet. What could that be? Hmmmmm plant some apple trees in the middle of the street, or build this orphanage I thought about a month ago.... although I hate orphans... I mean, I have always hated movies about orphans, so I never liked to get in contact with them. Strange idea ha? First time I realize this.......
A nice, fast, yellow car running next to a rocky coast would do me good right now. I wish I was in Greece..... I mean I wish I was there in my summer holidays, which is now... why Greece? I don't know, seems close. And it was mentioned twice today. So why not.
I don't want to go to bed. Insomnia? I want to put my head on the pillow and sleep immediatly. Been fucking thinking for the past 2 nights. But thinking about what? That's the question. Baby blue is not my favorite color. If one day I have twins: a girl and a boy, I will dress the boy in pink and the girl in blue.
I won't be a mother anywayz, not in the near future I guess. Probably as a punishment for this constant remark I will realize one day that I can't have babies anywayz, and then I am gonna regret the fucking remark. Why do I always think about "REGRET"?
Next time I bake a cake, I am gonna make sure it tastes good. Not that I baked a cake before. I think I am hungry...
Papa smurf was carrying the solution for every mother, who hates her situation... but no one listened. I wonder why the hell do they teach us stuff all through our lives, to realize later that no one believes in them........except for us, seconds ago. I feel like I have wasted my life. Or maybe there was a point behind this not-making-sense mechanism.