When I become older...I will regret when I was younger

Yew look back at the last year and yew can’t believe that it flew by so fast. Yew look back at this last year and yew think about the things yew did, the things yew didn’t do, the things yew said, and the things yew didn’t say. Yew think about these things, then yew pause and yew wonder: if these things happen again, would I react the same way like during this last year? Or would I do things differently? Would I have spent more time with my mom? Would I have partied much more with my friends? Would I have done more effort in my studies? I think I would. And this is scaring me to know that only after one year, I am already regretting the things I did and/or didn’t do. So what about after 30 years, when I become 54 years and I look back at myself when I was 24…how many things will I regret then?!!!

One day when the sun was shining

The sun is shining on my face. I close my eyes. I see my past months passing by. FLASHBACK. So many things happen and yew just realize it months afterwards. Do yew want to catch the bus? Yew run to catch the bus. Yew run fast. Yew are not sure whether it’s the right one, but yew don’t want to miss it. Yew’re out of breath. Yew catch it….yew breath. Yew have this smile (of triumph) on your face. Yew realize it’s the wrong bus. Disappointment! Do yew cry? Do yew regret? Do yew feel that time, effort and life were wasted? Or yew just get out of the bus in the next station and move on?
It’s always like this.
I love the sun on my face. It’s always a good sign. It gives me hope. But I keep thinking: Am I up to the challenge? Can I make it? Sometimes everything goes wrong. Even the sun…the sun goes down and yew’re suddenly left all alone. No more sun on your face. Yet… yet I can survive. Yet I know the sun will shine again tomorrow. Am I weak? Am I strong? How did I come here? The road is full of signs. Yew miss one of them and your life takes another direction. But how else will yew learn? Not by following a manual. Not by other people’s experience. Not by abstaining from doing the “wrong” things. Not by locking yourself in a room. Not by sticking to one job, or same friends, or same principles, or ideas, or beliefs, or thoughts, ideals, memories, aspirations, but most importantly: not by sticking to the same goals…
It is all about experience. Do yew want to make use of experience? Do yew want to learn from it? I feel alone. The sun is gone. I listen to the music. I listen to my mind. I listen to my ideas. I hear my heart aching. Calling for happiness to come again. Calling for the sun to shine to warm my soul. I feel empty. I look in the mirror and I can’t recognize myself. Is this a strange person? Is it the same old person with new features? Is it me ignoring myself? It’s still me yew know?! Why do yew ignore me? I missed the moment of happiness today… it passed me by. And I regret it. I thought the sun shining on my face was my moment of happiness today. But it wasn’t. It was an illusion that I wanted to believe. It is like music. Like dreams. Like imagination. It is like yoga. Drugs. Religion. Friends. Money. Sports. Reading. Family. Movies. Sex. Work. Sweets. Lover. Beliefs. Children. They all make us happy in one way or another… but the question is: ARE WE?!

Written by Inji Ayad (best sister ever!!!)

When we were young we were told about stories like Snow-White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. These stories had pleasant endings of marriage where the couple lived happily ever after. As we grew older we began to read about Romeo and Juliet and that they didn’t live for love; in fact they died for it. We began to know the other side of the coin; that love stories don't always end happily. However, through these stories that we were told in our childhood we grew up so eager to experience love and live the story. As we feel that being in love is the most honorable cause or belief we could live, fight or even die for. I believe that many people around the globe with difference in religion, age and social class share these feelings. So, is love a myth that people invented through the years to have some idea to believe in or a cause to live for; or is there somewhere in the world a true love? Who has the right to live a true love story? Does it happen to anyone? But all these questions could be solved on the personal level. In fact the only question I couldn't find an answer for is:

Why do we fall in love accidentally? Why can't we control with whom we fall in love? When or where or for how long? Why is it out of our hands; that we feel so helpless, foolish and out of control? Without expected timing we begin to look at another person as we see him/her for the first time in our life. We begin to have faster heartbeats, rising blood pressure and higher body temperature. The reaction to these changes is that we feel so uncomfortable; loose the balance and lack being natural. Then we tend to do things due to these feelings without referring to any rational thinking. As we got used that our mind controls our heart and that before any action there are many equations to be calculated. But suddenly the mind is drugged by an unknown poison that hinders its' function. The heart; whose actions will always be unpredictable; becomes the master. Feelings begin to flow faster than a waterfall; butterflies come to our stomach whenever we see or even think about that person, our emotions jump from extremes; and things begin to get so messy. Life starts to take a different stance; everything becomes prettier and more attractive in our eyes. We start to feel that life is enjoyable than ever. The accident that happens without any expected timing and paralyzed our minds' movement became totally out of control. I can't help any one to find an answer for how we can avoid these feelings because I couldn't find a solution for myself. However, I thought of sharing my feelings with others maybe it will make me feel slightly better. Although love is the most enjoyable desire and pleasure we long to experience; at the same time it could be one of the most hurtful situations one could sense; we simply can never avoid it.

What the hell happened during the last year and what the hell did I wanna say?

ONE WHOLE YEAR is coming to an end. And suddenly I look back and I'm like: What the hell did I do during this past year? And where the hell did the days go? I remember the day when I received the acceptance "e-mail" and I couldn't believe it at all. I remember telling Baba about it and telling him: "It's gonna be very hard for me to live one year away from yew, but I wanna go through the experience". I remember the day I arrived in Venice and had to drag my broken bag in Gudecca all alone. And I remember the farewell party in Venice, and later on the same day when I had to take: a 1) taxi, 2) vaporetto, 3) bus, 4) plane, 5) bus, 6) taxi... in order to arrive to Brussels.
I remember other things as well ;). But.... what the hell did I want to say? Hmmm.... I think I forgot.